


Dirty Crooks And Cheap Tricks

by quizasvivamos



Series: Outlaws Klaine [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Western, Humor, M/M, Outlaw Blaine, Outlaw Kurt, Sexual Humor, cross-dressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 14:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5294051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quizasvivamos/pseuds/quizasvivamos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>En route to freedom, riches, and a new life, Blaine’s impulsivity and pride gets the best of him, and he finds himself in a slight predicament. As a result, Kurt is rudely awakened from much-needed sleep with some not so wonderful news and a proposition that has them both scrambling and plotting in order to clean up the mess Blaine made and recover all that was lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Crooks And Cheap Tricks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Riverance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riverance/gifts).



“Hurry up! Put this on!”

Blaine thrusted the voluminous, blue dress that they’d been only too eager to get Kurt out of, into a sleeping Kurt’s face, rousing him quite suddenly and unexpectedly.

“The hell, Blaine?” Kurt mumbled groggily, pulling himself up in the seat in which he’d passed out. It took a moment for him to remember where he was, staring disoriented at his surroundings, the inside of a nicely furnished roomette they’d managed to secure through some carefully and strategically placed bribes. Then Kurt looked down at his shirt, which was hanging loosely from his chest and shoulders, and unbuttoned pants and smirked like he was suddenly remembering why he was so disheveled, a bit of the memory playing in his head.

“I kinda need a favor,” Blaine said, shrinking back a bit.

Kurt quirked an eyebrow that rose nearly to his hairline. “What did you do?”

“It’s really quite a funny story. Well, you see...I think you’ll get a kick out of it -”

“Blaine,” Kurt said, giving him a pointed look.

“Alright. After you fell asleep, I decided to explore the train. I stumbled upon some men playing poker in the dining carriage and joined in. Long story short, I lost some money playing cards, and I need you to win it back.”

“Whoa, wait just a minute.” Kurt held a finger up and shook his head as if to clear it and jumpstart his brain. “How much is _some_ money? _You_ were playing cards?!” He scrunched the mass of blue fabric that was now in his hands, lifting it slightly before Blaine. “And why, exactly, do I need to wear a dress again?”

“I lost all the money I had on me. And...I sort of told them my wife could beat them. I mean, a bunch of tough guys like that wouldn’t be intimidated by a woman, right?”

Kurt sprang to his feet. “ _Blaine_! You know neither of us are any good at cards, and dressing up as a woman again isn’t going to give me magic female powers.”

“I know...” he moved closer to Kurt and pressed a palm to Kurt’s chest, his voice dropping to a deep, rich tone, “but it was _so_ hot. Even though there were so many layers to take off...”

“Get off me, you fool,” Kurt said, playfully pushing Blaine backwards and fighting to suppress a smile and a blush. “What didn’t you understand about keeping a low profile? If we’re recognized, there’s nowhere to run. We’re trapped inside a great, metal cage that’s hurtling along tracks through the desert.”

“I guess that means that my plan needs to work,” Blaine said with an uneasy, guilty smile. “They called me a rookie and laughed at me, Kurt. Won't you defend my honor?”

His pleading eyes were wide and shining, and Kurt was always weak to such tactics.

“Fine. I’ll do it, but you’ll pay, Anderson. Dearly. As soon as I get you alone again...”

“I deserve whatever is coming to me.” Blaine rifled through his pockets and pulled out a few small items. “Here. I also snuck into another room and stole some makeup on my way back. Hopefully it’s not missed.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and then snatched the cosmetics from Blaine’s outstretched hands. “Give me a few minutes, and then we’ll devise a plan before we go and lose everything else we own - including the clothes off our backs.”

“Doesn’t sound like the worst thing that could happen,” Blaine said with an impish grin, his eyes shamelessly raking Kurt’s body.

“You need to be leashed, boy. Calm yourself, and help me into this corset.”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

“Well, hello there, pretty lady.” The man turned to Blaine, his expression slightly skeptical. “This is the wife?”

“Sure is,” Blaine said, swallowing hard.

Another man at the table let out a whistle. “She can join us any day. Why don’t you pull up a seat, sweetheart?”

Blaine grabbed the back of the same chair he’d occupied earlier and slid it out for Kurt, who carefully lifted and repositioned his skirt to sit comfortably, all the while batting his lashes at the men and smiling coyly.

“We feel bad for taking all your money earlier,” the man told Blaine with a laugh, obviously fibbing. “Why don’t you have a drink on us?”

Hesitating, Blaine took the bottle of whiskey offered to him, poured out a glass, and sat down at the next table where he could remain in Kurt’s line of sight.

If all went according to plan, they’d have their money back in no time.

Kurt tilted his hat politely, smiling and making eye contact with each man in turn. “Deal me in, fellas,” he said, and then he let out a shrill giggle. Once on the table, he reached for his cards, scooping them up into his hand.

Kurt placed his wager, lightly tossing some bills and coins into the pot at the table’s center.

Across the way, Blaine lifted his glass as if toasting Kurt and, with a wink, took a sip.

The game was on.

Kurt laid down his hand.

“Oh, goodness. Silly me,” he said with a giggle, his fingertips at his lips.

“I thought you said she was good,” the man shot at Blaine. The company’s mocking guffaws filled the carriage.

Kurt placed a finger at his lipsticked mouth, batting his lashes again at the men. “Again?”

“Honey, you can play all day as long as you have the money.”

This time, Kurt winked at Blaine.

Blaine took a sip of whiskey.

Kurt lifted his hand and giggled.

They played through a couple rounds, and as soon as Kurt was sure that their confidence in him losing was at its highest point, he looked to Blaine.

Blaine took a huge gulp of the drink, his eyes flicking to the left.

Kurt made his wager, a very large sum.

“Are you sure you want to do that now?”

“Golly, I guess,” Kurt said with a smile.

He fanned himself with his cards and then daintily laid them down on the table for all to see.  

“Well, shit. She’s got a straight flush!”

“I guess I get lucky sometimes,” Kurt said with a shrug and a flirty wink.

They continued to play, Kurt watching Blaine very carefully and Blaine intently observing the game. A few hands later, and Kurt was raking in the money, claiming the pot again and again until he’d not only won back all Blaine had lost, but had doubled the sum.

The last beams of daylight were streaming in through the windows of the car, and the sun fell just below the horizon as Kurt scooped up coins and bills, pulling them toward his chest to count. The men groaned and grumbled when Kurt finally excused himself from the table with a mocking goodbye wave of his fingers and a beaming grin. With their winnings in hand, Blaine swiftly escorted Kurt out of the dining carriage. A few cars down, Kurt hitched up his skirt, and they broke into a run, laughing all the way back to the roomette.

“I can’t believe it actually worked,” Kurt said breathlessly. “We cheated those bastards, and they didn’t even know what hit them!”

“And we’re twice as rich now!”

“I know we promised we would end all this thievery, but it’s good to see we still haven’t lost our touch. How many men have we cheated and robbed just to get here?”

“Too many to count.”

Just as they reached their room, the train’s whistle blew, and they could feel its motion slowing as it rolled toward the station.

Blaine heaved out a breath of relief, grabbed Kurt’s arm, and tugged him inside. “We need to hurry and get out of here before they figure out what we did and come after us.”

“Wha -? We’re getting off here? Where are we anyway?” Kurt looked out the window as if it would clue him in.

“Duke City.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Albuquerque,” Blaine said.

“Al-buh-what me?”

Blaine let out a laugh. “We’re in New Mexico, not too far off from California now,” he explained. “A few more days, and we’ll be there - if we’re lucky. Regardless, we need to make a quick switch.”

“As long as I don’t have to wear this dress ever again,” Kurt said.

“I promise. Never again...unless of course you’d be interested in some roleplay...”

“You better quit while you’re ahead, Mister.” Kurt stripped out of the dress and pulled on his own clothes, feeling like himself again and grateful that he could clean off the caked on makeup and finally be done with the whole affair.  

But when Kurt looked up and saw Blaine stripping down, he was caught off guard and froze.

“What are you doing? I thought we were in a rush!”

“You’ll see. Toss me that dress!” Blaine pointed to the corner where the red one had been discarded and rumpled in a pile along with the rest of the saloon girl’s stolen garments.

Kurt did as he was told, knowing that they had very little time and it was best to just go with it rather than argue, and he helped Blaine back into the saloon girl’s getup.

Kurt crossed his arms as he examined Blaine. “Is this really how it’s going to be from now on? Are we gonna start a family and have a little dog and a house?” He grabbed the makeup, urging Blaine to sit before he began to put on the finishing touches.

Blaine closed his eyes. “We’re almost like a real, normal - boring - couple.”

“There’s nothing normal about us - or boring,” Kurt said as he applied eyeliner, mascara, and an ample amount of blush to Blaine’s face.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Kurt clutched the front of Blaine’s dress, pulling him up from the chair and allowing the makeup to fall to the floor with a clatter. He pulled him in, laying a firm, hungry kiss on his lips, and Blaine chased his lips, connecting their mouths again and again. Kurt hummed into Blaine’s mouth, and Blaine felt a light pressure on his head as Kurt placed the hat over his curls before pulling away.

“There,” Kurt said, straightening and positioning it just right. “Time to take my ravishing _wife_ and get out of here.” As Blaine turned, Kurt slapped his ass. “Giddyup, l’il lady.”

With a chuckle, Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand, entwining their fingers, and the leather pouch with their money, securing it and concealing it inside the dress along with his clothes, and then they were off.

The train finally came to a halt after the brakes let out a deafening metal-on-metal squeal and the shrill whistle sounded, signalling their arrival in the New Mexico city and trading hotspot. Kurt kept his wits about him as he guided Blaine out of the train and onto the station’s platform, eager to disappear into the crowd, but his heart began to race when he was sure that one of their poker buddies recognized him, a man who looked far from happy. The man glared with narrowed eyes, gaze flicking between Kurt and Blaine as they passed, like he was one second away from shouting out and coming after them, but then he scratched his head and shrugged.  

Blaine’s stomach rumbled, and Kurt couldn’t help but laugh.

“Now that we have more than a little extra, why don’t we get a room and a nice, big meal to satisfy that appetite. How does that sound, honey?”

“That sounds perfect. But, when we get to the room...” Blaine brushed his ruby lips across Kurt’s cheek, planting a slow, gentle kiss to his temple before whispering, “I have another appetite to satisfy.”

 


End file.
